omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
