Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
