I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
