I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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