1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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