I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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