Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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