i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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