Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
