i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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