Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
