My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong