She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me