I'm retarded. Again.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.