found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
