do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
