life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
