Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
