Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
