You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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