I CAN MOONWALK!
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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