I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
