Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
