U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
