Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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