i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
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