Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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