Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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