i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
