We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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