I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
