she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
operation harelip BJ is a go
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
ok first of all what the fuck
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
