Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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