Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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