you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
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Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
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You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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