I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
