I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I just found puke in my bra..
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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