fuck your aforementioned shoe
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
You need Xanax blowdarts
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
