For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
