I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i drank out of a bidet.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
