He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
50% drunk capacity currently
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
