I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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