We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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