If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
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