wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
