The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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