But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
