mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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