if i can run in heels then i can drive
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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