I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
