I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
