I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
