If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
