I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I have fence marks all over my body
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
