Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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