i think my tv is drunk
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
