i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
