Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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