sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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