Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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