I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
