Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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