Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I can't trust your balls anymore.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
