she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Randomize
