Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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